Vows – Written ‘In Synergy’ with Ways of Knowing by Isabel Avila
I’ve read about marriage
Comfortable tales of two dedicated people conquering life together
At times effortless
Perhaps with some struggle
To have and to hold
My husband dies every night
Nightmares drag him back to the war that he left years ago
His body jolts and writhes, reliving the terror
“It’s okay, you’re safe,” I soothe
Cradling him close through anguished screams
From this day forward
I could live here forever
With him, in an endless night
Airplane lights flicker beyond palm tree silhouettes
The air is crisp as we glow next to the fire
Discussing philosophy, dreams, the future
We burn with new energy, exuberant
Anything is possible
For better, for worse
“Don’t leave!” I shriek
Our infant sobs in my arms, toddler wails at my side
My husband prickles, then continues stuffing his luggage
His mania pulled me to the edge
So I pushed him over
Sometimes we fall together
Before we can catch ourselves
For richer, for poorer
With bouncing smiles, we sneak in past bedtime
Tiptoeing with hushed breath
Our kids are in bed, their sprawled limbs intertwined
We gush at the cherubs and quell squeals of glee
Caressing marshmallow cheeks in our family cocoon
Wrapped in a tender love
In sickness and in health
It’s another bad day
Depression consumes his spirit
Fibromyalgia wracks his body with aches
He begs the debilitating migraine to retreat, and fails
“You’re a mess,” I whisper with a smirk
He chuckles, apologizes, and thanks me again
Under the pain, warmth swells
Until death do us part
He’s been suicidal for years
Tempted by black nylon straps in the garage
Or the cliffs from tall parking structures
I brace my trembling heart
In case he ever loses this battle
Fortunately, we’re both fighters
I will love and honor you all the days of my life
I don’t trust in promises
But this prayer
I hope to keep
For us
Sarah Flores is a NASA engineer, a street artist, and a mother. She delights in supporting airborne science missions and in raising kids with her husband—an Iraq War veteran. When she’s not covering the ground with portraits at chalk festivals, you can find her delving into writing and poetry.
